I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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