I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
