Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
