Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
