thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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