grandma shit on top of the toilet
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
