my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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