that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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