Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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