I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
