Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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