Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
