let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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