i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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