If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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