i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
