Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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