peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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