My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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