I got chris browned last night
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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