I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
