my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
