How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sext me about skeletons
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
