Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
