as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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