ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
