im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
