Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
