Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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