saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
