she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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