I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
