I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
