dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
