the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
