Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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