LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
