why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
