I look better un-naked...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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