Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
