The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
