So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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