I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
