Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
