You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
