you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
