girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
