so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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