you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
