I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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