Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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